When I walk or cycle for long enough I find that my brain begins "firing on all cylinders." That's an automotive analogy. My brain doesn't actually have cylinders inside of it, as far as I know. Anyway, yesterday on my bicycle ride I was gifted (from the heavens) some track ideas for my next music album. I present them to you now with the express wish that you do not steal them and become an instant millionaire:
Hotties on Patrol
This one is pretty straightforward. Seattle has many attractive women (the titular hotties). They're not on patrol, though, so I'm not sure why that title happened. Let's just be grateful that it did.
Ass That Won't Quit
Sex sells, and if Hotties on Patrol wasn't enough to make someone click 'buy' then surely this will be. But boy will the listener be surprised when they realize that this song is about my ass. Cycling long distances requires strong glutes. I would love to have an ass that doesn't quit.
Jesus Wants You to Take Vitamins
This one wasn't my idea. I was stopped at a red light and a man with a microphone and portable speaker was singing "Whoa-e-oh-e-oh, Jesus wants you to take vitamins. Jesus wants you to take a vitamin and mineral supplement." I am stealing this song so that I can become an instant millionaire.
I guess this last one wasn't a gift from the heavens so much as a gift from some specific fellow.
Credits: I'd like to thank Canva for making it easy and fun to generate that album cover.
On day six, I woke up early in my temple so that I could attend the 6:30am meditation. My hope was that Japan worked differently than North America and that it would become warmer overnight, but nope -- it was still freezing in the temple.
I sat on a large heated carpet in the meditation room. There were various metal shrine artifacts (Buddhas and whatnot) in an area in front of me. A monk came in and we promptly established that neither of us could speak the other's language. Then he spent ten minutes among the shrines chanting. I spent those ten minutes feeling bad that he had to do all this for just one guest. His monk buddies were probably sleeping in or having a dip in the hot tub.
After the ceremony I went to a room where a nice breakfast was set out for me.
After enjoying breakfast, I tracked down the man who ran the show so that I could pay my bill, then I booked it out of there.
Koya was beautiful in the morning, as shown here, but it was cold and I had done everything I had wanted to do.
I didn't really have any plans for the day but then a thought hit me: what if I could find a city in which tame deer roamed among the people? That would truly be a sight to behold.
They're pretty fun to watch. Sometimes you see them following people for quite some time because they want more food.
One nipped at my clothes but most of them were well behaved.
After hanging out with the deer I checked out the Todaiji temple. The building in the picture is the world's largest wooden building. It's got a very large Buddha statue and five million schoolchildren inside.
Not much happened after this. I went back to Osaka, found my next Airbnb, tracked down and ate some great shoyu ramen at a place called Sodaisho, wandered around, and went to bed.
On day five I travelled south for three hours to Koya, a pretty mountain town with over one hundred Buddhist temples. Please look at the picture of a Koya street on the left.
The first thing that I did there was buy some gloves. It was so much colder than Osaka! I had a toque and a fleece but it wasn't enough.
I grabbed a nice vegetarian lunch at a little cafe run by a French and Japanese couple. It was too early to check in to my temple so I did what anyone in my situation would do: head to the cemetery.
Now, I'm a little worried that you think I'm obsessed with cemeteries. I'm not. I went to one in Tokyo because it was part of a walk in my guide book. I went to this one because it's in a beautiful forest, is pleasant to walk in, and is "one of the most sacred places in Japan" according to japan-guide.com.
Hundreds of the statues there wear red bibs. The internet suggests that these are statues of Jizo, the protector of children and travellers. Keep up the good work, Jizo.
Most of the bibs are plain red but this one has little bears playing soccer on it.
Many memorial stones had drink offerings. I saw water, tea, juice boxes and, as you can see if you zoom in, even beer.
At the end of the cemetery path was a nice hall with over 10,000 lanterns in it. There was also a row of statues that the Buddhists splash water on.
It was getting to be late afternoon, so I headed back across town to check in at my lodgings, Hojo-in. In America if you ask for that, you end up at the nearest Howard Johnson inn. Fortunately for me this really was a temple.
Also fortunately for me, I was the only guest staying there that night. Wandering the halls in the slippers they provided with nobody else around was a little off-putting at first, but it beat having to negotiate around a tour bus full of people. I'm still not quite sure where the monks were hanging out.
This picture is of the temple garden. My room is at the far end of the photo, facing the garden.
I didn't much feel like going out and it was pretty chilly, so I spent some time curled up under the blanket that is conveniently part of this desk in my room.
The adjoining section of the room that you see is where the Japanese futon was laid out at night.
The bathing area is communal and I wanted to minimize the chance of running into a band of nude monks so I decided to get clean before dinner.
I wasn't sure what to expect, but it turned out to be the standard hot springs setup that I had gotten practice with at Spa World. I sat on a stool, washed myself down with soap and a detachable shower head, then hopped into the hot tub. Finally I understood why these temples are open air and have paper walls: it's because being cold makes the tub feel sooo nice.
With my body clean, I waited in my room to be called for dinner. I was led to another bedroom which had these three trays of vegan food.
I wish I had uncovered all the pots before taking the photo. The green container with the candle had mushrooms, the brown pot near the tea was rice, and the little white pot on the right was some gooey concoction. It was a delicious meal.
After eating I hung out in my room and went to bed early. The temple gates shut at 8pm so I don't think I could have gone out even if I had wanted to. Plus, I had to be up before 6:30am for the prayer service!
On day four I did a day trip to Kyoto. It's only a fifteen minute ride from Osaka on the bullet train but ends up taking more like forty-five minutes to an hour once you factor in the travel time to get to where the bullet train leaves from. Still pretty good.
The first thing I did in Kyoto was hop onto a train to Arashimaya. It has this bridge that people really like, plus the hills are colourful in the fall.
Across that bridge is possibly the best thing in Japan: Monkey Park! You pay your entrance fee (about $5), walk up a pleasant, hilly path for about fifteen minutes, and you're there. You can saunter around and the Japanese macaques will wander really close to you. You can also go inside a building with wire-fence walls, buy peanuts or apple pieces, and feed them to the monkeys through the walls. It's really great.
Here's a picture of a few Japanese Macaques:
And here's a video I took of two child monkeys playing:
This is a picture of the beautiful path you follow to get down from the park.
After hanging out with the monkeys, I knew that nothing else that day would be quite as good. But I figured I'd better at least try.
I headed to this nearby bamboo grove. I had seen it on Reddit more than once and my guidebook made a big fuss about it, so I was really looking forward to it. But when I got there it was crowded, it didn't go on for very long, and there were absolutely no monkeys in sight. I was a little disappointed.
I went across town to the other main sightseeing area, Higashiyama. I walked up a narrow, touristy pedestrian street with many, many other people.
If it sounds like I have a bad attitude about this, it's because: 1. No monkeys. 2. Crowds move very slowly and erratically. 3. I can't tell how accurate this reconstruction of old Japan really is, and I have little historical context, so it doesn't mean much to me. But don't worry, I was generally happy to be there.
At the top of the pedestrian street was the fine looking temple that you can see in the photo.
More importantly, I finally saw schoolgirls in their sailor uniforms. You should be able to see them if you click the photo. I had been looking out for these since the start of my trip but the uniforms I saw in Tokyo and Osaka weren't sailory enough to satisfy me.
I didn't end up going into that temple. I felt like continuing on my way.
I kept walking past temples but knew that I had to go into at least one. I chose Shoren-in, which was appealing because my guidebook said that most tourists walk on past.
Although it had no monkeys, it did have an exceptional garden with a short walking path that leads you up a little hill, through a forested area, and back around.
Having successfully visited a temple, I figured I should probably head on back to Osaka for the evening. To get to the subway station, I walked down a street that my guidebook says is one of Kyoto's most beautiful. It was a pretty good street despite having no monkeys, and there were several women hanging out there in kimonos, as you can see to the right.
Back in Osaka, I wanted to do absolutely nothing because I had just spent four days walking. But I forced myself to get off the couch and find some okonomiyaki for dinner.
Okonomiyaki is another specialty of the city. It is likened to a pancake or pizza and has a variety of toppings, like shrimp and octopus, green onions, and bonito flakes. It was very nice.
After the yummy dinner, I went back to my Airbnb and its high-tech toilet. Google Translate helped me find the 'ass input' button, which I regret not experimenting with. The toilet also had a heated seat, which was really great the next morning before I had warmed the apartment back up.
On my third day in Japan I travelled to the hit city "Osaka!"
I rode the Hikari bullet train, or shinkansen, which was pretty exciting for me. Here it is coming into the station.
There's a faster train in Japan but you can't use it with the Japan Rail Pass.
Train stations sell these boxes of food to take onto the train. It was a tasty treat.
It took about three hours to get to Osaka. I wasn't really sure what to do there so I just picked a neighborhood from my guidebook: Shinsekai.
It's a strange place. It has a theme park atmosphere but it isn't one. I read that the part I was in was modelled after Coney Island.
Osaka's motto is roughly "eat til you drop." They have various specialties, one of which is takoyaki, battered octopus balls slathered in mayo and teriyaki sauce.
It was cold and rainy out, most of the museums are closed on Tuesday, but what happened to be nearby? Spa World! It has various themed pools to soak in and apparently uses real hot spring water. But, like all hot springs in Japan, you must enjoy them nude.
You may be surprised by this, but I am not completely comfortable being nude around other people. I tend to be very selective about who can see my genitals and generally keep them covered in public.
I was provided with a very small towel but didn't want to blatantly cover myself because it would make people think that I was ashamed of myself. On the other hand, I didn't want people seeing what I had going on down there. I solved the problem with these two strategies:
1. I used my pale hairy body as a distraction mechanism. There's no time to judge a man's genitals if you're busy judging the rest of him.
2. I held the small towel close to my crotch but didn't completely cover it. I employed a technique that made it seem like I wasn't trying to hide anything but that still made it difficult to see anything.
After my soak, I checked into my Airbnb and set out to enjoy Dotonbori, a popular nightlife area. I wandered around and bought some gyoza to make my stomach and my dad happy (he is really into them these days).
There are also smaller, less busy side streets here that seem very cool.
Here's a more normal Osaka street, just for comparison.
The city also has a lot of freeway overpasses and wide streets that often made it tricky to navigate as a pedestrian.
On my second morning in Tokyo I went to the Tsukiji Fish Market. There's a wholesale market that restaurants buy from but tourists generally aren't allowed in until 10 am and by then the vendors were packing up.
There's also a nice street market, shown here. It mostly sells seafood.
I went to Yamazaki in the 'inner market' of Tsukiji to have a sushi breakfast. I chose it because there was a line but not a ridiculous line. It still took about thirty minutes to get in as there are only about twelve seats inside.
This picture is of my meal. Two pieces of tuna and a piece of uni came out after I was finished the stuff shown.
It was tasty but I regret picking a set meal. One American couple picked from the daily specials list and were getting some awesome things, including seared fatty tuna (which I would have gone for) and live prawn (no thank you).
In Japan, people bury the dead in special parks and mark the burial spots with stone blocks. They call these 'cemeteries'. This picture is from Yanaka Cemetery. It was part of a nice walk that my guidebook suggested.
The walk continued past a train station where I saw a bevy of unlocked bicycles. That's right, a bevy. I saw this a lot in Japan. Invoking International Rule 513.4 (Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers), I spent the remainder of my vacation collecting and reselling bicycles.
Actually I just continued on my walk.
I was feeling a bit peckish again by this point, but not enough to eat at this Live Dog restaurant.
Not far from that restaurant, on the pleasant Yanaka Ginza shopping street, was an escapee. I didn't rat on him. I crouched down to pet him and when I came back up, an old Japanese man gave me the largest, warmest smile.
"You are a good person," his smiling eyes seemed to say. I responded with my own smiling eyes: "I really am good, aren't I? What a fine person I am!"
Buoyed by these compliments, I set off for Shinjuku, which is similar to the area I was staying and its tall buildings, crowds, lights, etc.
I wanted to try some more ramen so I went to Ichiran, a popular chain restaurant in which you eat in little solo booths. There is a partition on the left side as well, not shown in the photo.
The partition in the front lifts up so that they can deliver the food.
With food in my belly, I was ready to hit up Harajuku, a fashion district that I knew about from old Gwen Stefani songs.
My favourite part of this area was Takeshita-dōri, a busy and narrow shopping street that Lonely Planet says is "a pilgrimage site for teens from all over Japan." You can see a picture of it on the right.
Being in a foreign country when you can't speak the language is tricky. You can see a storefront and not have a clue what it even is. For example, what is this place trying to sell?
I only started taking pictures later in the day, so unfortunately I can't show you my breakfast at the cheap chain restaurant Sukiya. Please imagine this: white rice, miso soup, pickled vegetables, and natto (fermented soybeans). Here is what natto looks like:
from https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Natto_on_rice.jpg
I didn't mind the taste but the stringiness was off-putting because the strands are really hard to break. I felt like they ended up on my chin on every bite, so I kept wiping my face with a napkin.
I was told you can get anything in a vending machine in Japan. I was disappointed to discover that this wasn't true. To me it seems like 97% of the machines are for drinks, 2% are for cigarettes, and 1% are for ice cream treats.
But: they are everywhere. The picture to the left is just some side street and there are four machines there. That's in Akihabara, the neighbourhood for people who like video games, comics and electronics.
As the day went on, I found myself getting used to Japanese writing. I can actually make out a couple of the characters in this sign!
For lunch I went to the mall at Tokyo Station because there are several high quality ramen places there. I didn't feel like waiting in a long line for the most popular one so I just picked one at random.
While eating, I had a nice chat with a young Japanese woman from Osaka. She asked me if I had ever used chopsticks before. This is after she saw me using them. So either I am not as good at chopsticks as I think I am, or she was hoping she had discovered a chopsticks prodigy. She likely wanted to train me up to be a Grandmaster and make a comfortable living as my agent or manager. She was disappointed to learn that I had been using chopsticks for years.
Later in the afternoon I walked through Ueno Park. It's a large park with beautiful trees and this wooden structure which looks nice when it's lit up. A lot of Japan looked nicer in the dark. They've got the night time thing down pat.
The park also has a zoo and the National Museum but I didn't go to either.
If there's one thing a beautiful park needs, it's a large Starbucks. There's a line out the door!
Tokyo must have a fancy coffee scene developing as there are several Californian shops there. The Verve Coffee location list is: Santa Cruz, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Tokyo. It's odd seeing it there.
A lot of casual restaurants, especially ramen places, have this system where you pay for your meal at a machine and then hand the ticket over to someone. It's convenient.
Eating in Japan was easy as a solo traveller. A ton of restaurants have bar seating so that you don't have to feel bad about taking up a table in a small place.
This is a temple entrance at night, lit only by the vending machine in the courtyard.
